Week 6 Wrap-up

It is a dark day in Fantasy football, as the Commish of Legit Domination is mired in last place. Needing his two remaining players -- including one Tennessee Titans QB -- to but outscore a lowly kicker last week, his team could not salvage a victory, instead ending up with a tie. Now poor Miller is stuck sharing the “I’m not very good at fantasy football” title with Jen Adams. And she may well be a fantasy corpse by now, seeing as see lost to Ted the weekend after his wedding, when you know his head wasn’t really in the game.

Regardless, we soldier on. And it’s a good thing we do, because currently leading Legit Domination – and two games clear of the field to boot – in none other than Courtney Bongiolatti. He reign of terror continues, emasculating all the males she comes across, as she and he cute “dog eats football” icon keep knocking off pretenders to the thrown. How long can her run continue? Right now, this writer knows better than to bet against her.

As for the rest of the field, here’s how things stack up heading into Week 7 of play:

(1) Rage Blackout – 6-0

(2) Get-er-done – 4-2

(3) He’s Heating Up. – 4-2

(4) Shamrock Shake – 3-3

(5) Laser Sounds – 3-3

(6) T.O.’s Bacon – 3-3

(7) Shower Beer – 3-3

(8) Shananimals – 2-3-1

(9) Righteous Tugboat – 2-3-1

(10) My Vick in a Box – 2-4

(11) Gin in the Gatorade – 1-4-1

(12) Jager Bombs – 1-4-1

Now that we know where people stand, let’s see how that all played last week…

Rage Blackout 95 – He’s Heating Up. 77

Despite fears to the contrary, it looks like Patch Eakin has not yet thrown in the towel on the season. Which is good, b/c his squad is tied for second place! That didn't help him very much this week, though, as 25 points from Matt Cassel (QB, KC) and another 11 from each of his two running backs -- Jamaal Charles (KC) and Matt Forte (Chi) -- were not enough over come the mighty attack of Rage Blackout. This is probably because of the donuts (i.e., zero-point days) put up by the Carolina D (not their fault -- they were on a bye), Willis McGahee (RB, Bal) and Josh "Knocked Out" Cribbs (WR, Cle). Couple those three non-contributing zeros with Courtney's 24 from Peyton Manning (QB, Ind) and 16 from Ahmad Bradshaw (RB, NYG) and this one was in the books early. The key to Rage's success this year has in many ways been simply Manning+Consistency= WIN, a trend that continued this week as 7 of her "non-Peyton" boys knocked down at least 5 points. 

Rage Bench: Roy Williams 14 (WR, Dal)

He’s On the Bench: Percy Harvin 17 (WR, Min); Hines Ward 11 (WR, Pit)

Laser Sounds 123 – Get-er-Done 98

What sounds do lasers make? The sound of victory, of course. New Guy Josh put up the biggest scoring day of the week to storm back to relevance in the LD competition, thanks to six double-digit performances by his squad. Leading the way was a 21-point explosion from Arian Foster (RB, Hou) along with 18 points from Pierre Garcon (WR) and 14 from Johnny Knox (Chi), two WRs that had previously been in the witness protection program. Add in 13 from Matt Ryan (QB, Atl) and 19 from Aaron Rodgers (QB, GB) and Laser Sounds didn't need to worry about the 22 big ones he left on the bench. For Cason's Get-er-Done squad, it was a mixed week. The SF 49ers got their first win, but the G-e-D captain left Carson Palmer (Cin) in a starting slot despite having a BYE week, and the team's bottom four slots (W/R, K, D & D) combined for only 14 points. Despite that, Joe Flacco (QB, Bal) put up 20 points, and another 19 points from Thomas Jones (RB, KC) helped make this day competitive. And now that you've read that, go see who (and how many points) Cason had bolted to the pine this week. Ouch.

LS Bench: Calvin Johnson 22 (WR, Det)

Get-er-Done Bench: TEN D 22; Justin Forsett 12 (RB, Sea)

Shower Beer 112 – Shamrock Shake 98

Her early season 3-1 start now firmly a thing of the past, the NGC fought hard but failed against Bond's suddenly competent team. No one in the Shamrock's line-up went scoreless, and decent days were put up by Eli Manning (17, QB, NYG) and Kyle Orton (15 pts, QB, Den), but it was not enough on a day when she had no players crack the 20-point plateau. On the other side, Shower Beer's turn around from his slow start can probably be attributed to the rise of his QBs -- Matt Schaub (Hou) and Kevin Kolb (Phi) -- who scored 25 and 29 points, respectively. Throw in another 24 points from unknown ball handler Ryan Torain (Was), and Erick was easily able to survive a combined 7 total point from Leon Washington (RB, Sea), Greg Olsen (TE, Chi), Brandon Tate (WR, NE) and the Green Bay D.

Shower Beer Bench: Dez Bryant 9 (WR, Dal)

Shamrock Shake Bench: Brandon Marshall 14 (WR, Mia)

T.O.’s Bacon 108 – Gin in the Gatorade 97

Hold onto your butts -- Ted's team has a pulse. Yes, with the wedding in Chicago now behind him, T.O.'s Bacon has turned over a new leaf of awesomeness. Ted rang up the win against the JenAdams2000 thanks to 24 points from the newly re-instated Ben Rothlisburger (QB, Pit), along with 21 points from Andre Johnson (WR, Hou) and a combined 34 more points from his backfield combo of Frank Gore (SF) and LaDanian "I'm Not Dead Yet" Tomlinson (NYJ). These big points were enough for Ted to overcome 0-fers from the Chicago D AND from Hakeem Nicks (WR, NYG). [This was a good thing too, since Ted left Mr. Bowe of New England West and his 24 WR points on the bench.] For Gin, meanwhile, it's a story that's sad, but true: getting only four points from Phillip Rivers will fuck you pretty much every time. The Gin-a-tron did receive nice days from DeSean Jackson (19 pts, WR, Phi) and Matt Prater (13 pts, K, Den), but it was not enough to score the W. If Jen is looking for positives, the fact that everyone in her starting lineup scored at least 4 points is not a bad place to start.

T.O.’s Bench: Dwayne Bowe 24 (KC, WR)

Gin Bench: Jay Cutler 6 (QB, Chi)

My Vick in a Box 102 – Righteous Tugboat 95

This game was a seesaw battle, with big scores negated by ugly ones and Defenses eventually deciding the day. In the QB slot, Righteous got 17 from Chad Henne (Mia) while only 3 from the Sanchize (NYJ). Vick in a Box then challenged that with 17 pts of his own from Alex Smith (SF) and a -3 from David Garrard (Jax). The Tug then pulled great scores from Mike Wallace (15, WR, Pit) and Chris Johnson (21, RB, Ten), to offset the -2 from his two defenses. For eventual-winner non-Asian Matt Lamb, the big days came from Pittsburgh's D -- a 16-point haul -- and from Greg Jennings (WR, GB), whose 21 points helped make our dentist friend look like a genius. Oh, and 23 combined points from the WR duo of Anquan Boldin (Bal) and Austin Collie (Ind) certainly didn't hurt his cause either.

MViaB Bench: Jeremy Maclin 29 (WR, Phil)

Roghteosu Bench: None of note

Shananimals 94 – Jager Bombs 94

Last and probably least, the Shananimals and Jager Bombs squared off. That neither team broke 100 is a matter of record. That both teams probably frustrated the hell out of their owners is almost a certainty. Miller's squad seemed to have the early advantage, thanks to a 24-point day from Drew Brees (QB, N) and 18-points from Stephen Jackson (RB, Stl). The excitement was short-lived, however, as goose-egg from the Houston D, a 1-point performance by Antonio Gates (TE, SD), and an injury to Vince Young helped derail Jager's day, despite a 10-point day from new pick-up Marshawn Lynch (RB, Sea). Shananimals 94 points came from a variety of areas, with 22 points from Tony Romo (QB, Dal) leading the way. Her other QB, Matt Hasselbeck (Sea), scored 15 points of his own in a game versus Chicago, while ray Rice (RB, Bal) and the SF Defense each landed in double-digits. Oh, and she got 12 points from Tennessee K Rob Bironas in the Monday Night match-up, allowing her to tie Miller and make sure she did not join Jen Adams in the cellar. 

Jager Bench: Joseph Addai 18 (RB, IND)

Shananimals Bench: All on BYEs

Legit Domination Week 3 Recap

Rage Blackout 128 (3-0) – Jagerbombs (1-2) 105

Courtney stays on top heading into Week 4 by bringing the heat against the suddenly 1-2 Commissioner Miller. Her line-up was headlined by Peyton Manning's 34 points (which out shone the 25 the Jagerbombs got from Drew Brees). In addition, she got a big 22 points from Rashard Mendenhall (RB, Pit) and 15 from Ahmad Brabshaw (WR, NYG). For Miller, a lack of production from his defenses hurt him, though he put up a respectable 100+ total points with the help of Antonio Gates (18 pts, TE, SD) and Stephen Jackson (11 pts, RB, Stl).

Rage Blackout Bench: Ryan Fitzpatrick 13 (QB, Buf); Oakland D 8

Bombs Bench: Randy Moss 16 (WR, NE)

He’s Heating Up. 105 (3-0) – T.O.’s Bacon 84 (1-2)

Forget Heating Up, Patch’s squad is straight bringing it at he advances to 3-0. Then again, Ted’s team did follow up its nice week 2 performance with a sweet 84 points, so maybe this win is not all attributable to Eakin’s new-found ability to wake up before noon to adjust his roster. Regardless, He’s Heating Up(.) got almost half of its scoring from the QB position, with Tom Brady and his dream hockey locks putting up 27 and Matt Cassel (KC) – Brady’s old back-up – somehow netting 24 points. Of course, the rest of Patch’s squad did little to help him out, as the only other player in double digits was Jamal Charles (14 pts, RB, KC). Note: It’s always dubious when two of your three high scorers play for KC, but it worked on this day.  On the losing side, Ted got 4 points from Brett Favre and none from the recently-benched Matt Moore (QB, Car). In their stead, T.O.’s running back carried the load, with Frank Gore (SF) putting up 16 points and Cedric Benson (Cin) pitching in 20. It wasn’t enough for Ted on this day, though, as he only would have beaten two teams in this week’s games.

HHU Bench : Percy Harvin 15 (WR, Min); Santana Moss 18 (WR, Was)

TO Bench: Dwayen Bowe 12 (WR, KC); LaDanian Tomlinson 14 (RB, NYJ)

Shamrock Shake 127 (2-1)– Righteous Tugboat 120 (1-2)

Our rookie NGC continued to impress this week, as her love-hate relationship with Kyle Orton (QB, Den) made good for two dozen points, while Branden Marshal (WR, Mia) and no-name Peyton Hillis (RB, Cle) put up 24 and 25 pts, respectively. She also got 9 pts from each of her two defenses, a decent hall. As for Mr. Devaney, his Tugboat pulled into port at six score points thanks to 23 and 28 from his QBs – Chad Henne (Mia) and Mark Sanchez (NYJ) – and another 26 from Chris Johnson (RB, Ten). His total was close, though not enough to get him over the hump, as his TE and K positions combined for a solitary point.

Shamrock Bench: Kenny Brit 8 (WR, Ten)

Righteous Bench: Mike Wallace 24 (WR, Pit); Tony Gonzalez 19 (TE, Atl); two others in double digits

Get-er-Done 115 (2-1) – Gin in the Gatorade 109 (1-2)

While it looked briefly like Gin was gonna ride the Phillip Rivers Express to victory (23 pts, QB, SD), it was not to be. For while Jen’s squad had two player aside from Rivers score over 20 pts – DeSean Jackson (23 pts, WR, Phi) and Dustin Keller (21 pts, TE, NYJ) – she also had seven players put up less than 10 pts. J Cason’s Get-er-Done team got it done thanks to 28 points from Joe Flacco (QB, Bal) and 33 points from All Day Adrian Peterson (RB, Min). [Note: PAY MY CLIENT!] Little more was needed from Cason’s squad, which was good, b/c the only two other players of note fro his squad were Darren McFaddon (22 pts, RB, Oak) and the Tennessee D (14 pts).

GED Bench: Thomas Jones 15 (RB, KC); Devin Hester 11 (WR, Chi); Steve Beaston 10 (WR, Ari)

Gin Bench: None of note

My Vick in a Box 161 (1-2) – Laser Sounds 114 (1-2)

It turns out all the defending champion needed to get his squad cleaned up and in gear was for his manhood to be insulted. Instead of rolling over, Lamb’s My Vick in a Box squad dropped a train on New Guy Josh to the tune of 161 points – despite leaving 31 points on the bench from Austin Collie (WR, Ind). For Laser sounds, this is a bitter loss. MViaB was powered by 35 points from the namesake himself, please 34 from the suddenly rejuvenated Anquan Boldin (WR, Bal) and 20 points each from the tandem of Michael Turner (RD, Atl) and Jeremy (who?) Madin (WR, Phi). The camp even survived a goose egg from the Denver D thanks to 18 points from their partners in Pittsburg. Overall, just a commanding performance. For Laser Sounds, a combined 46 points from QBs Aaron Rodger (GB) and Matt Ryan (Atl), just wasn’t enough.

MViaB Bench: Austin Collie 31 (WR, Ind)

LS Bench: Dexter McCluster 14 (WR/RB, KC)

Shananimals 83 (1-2) – Shower Beer 80 (1-2)

As D1 would say, this match turned out to be the Stupor Bowl, as the two lowest point-totals in the entire league this past week were both in this game. And both managers attempted to give the game away by benching double-digit point scorers. For Bond’s Shower Beer, the two highest performers, at 15 and 12 pts, were the Seattle D and his TE Greg Olsen (Chi). Ouch. Shannon comes away with the win thanks to a more traditional 23 points from QB Tony Romo (Dal), though her second highest scorer was the Philadelphia D, whith a 16 point day. The Shananimals held on to win despite the two WR slots, one RB and the San Fran D combining for 7 points.

Shananimals Bench: C.J. Spiller 26 (RB, Buf); Malcom Floyd 15 (WR, SD)

Shower Bench: Dallas D 14