If there's one thing that your dear commish regrets this season, it's not that his team is mired in a tie for last place. It's not that the division is being led by Courtney's team, a team that has a dog nawwing on a football for its mascot. It's not even that I got doubled up by his girlfriend's team in Week 9, by a score of 119 – 61. No, the biggest regret this commissioner has is that I woke up the sleeping giant that was defending champion Matt Lamb. Not content to let sleeping dogs lie, I repeatedly called the champ out in the early weeks of the season, which looked like a good plan when Mr. Lamb was a mere 1-4. Since then, however, the beast of Grammercy has roared back with a vengence, winning six games in a row against all comers, and now sits in third place. Clearly, this resurgence on the back of Mike Vick is not what I intended when I suggested that My Vick in a Box actually should pick up Mike Vick. To add insult to injury, Mr. Lamb has been riding Buffalo Bills offensive leaders Ryan Fitzpatrick and Stevie Johnson to his current second place position. As the playoffs approach, My Vick is looking to add his name to the list of teams getting a first round bye. Currently, only one team is IN for the play-offs – Rage Blackout at 9-2 – with a log jam at second place for those with a 7-4 record. How will it shake out and who will be left watching the playoffs from the outside (aside from Shannon and me)? Only time (and the final two weeks of the season) will tell.
1. Rage Blackout (9-2)
2. Laser Sounds (7-4)
3. My Vick in a Box (7-4)
4. He's Heating Up. (7-4)
5. Shamrock Shake (6-5)
6. Get-er-Done (6-5)
7. T.O.'s Bacon (6-5)
8. Shower Beer (5-6)
9. Righteous Tugboat (4-6-1)
10. Gin in the Gatorade (3-7-1)
11. Jagerbombs (2-8-1)
12. Shananimals (2-8-1)
Rage Blackout 120 – Shower Beer 88
Shower Beer's late season play-off push was interrupted this week by the number one team, as Bongiolatti laid the hurt on poor Mr. Bond thanks in large part to a 30-point weekend from Peyton Manning (QB, Ind). Two other players raked in 20+ points for Good Icecream, with Marques Colston (WR, NO) scoring 25 and LeSeason McCoy (RB, Phi) bringing in 21 points. All told, it was enough for Court to survive 0-point days from Ahmad Bradshaw (RB, NYG) and the Oakland Def. The reason those goose-eggs didn't hurt the division leader, of course, was that Bond's squad had a rough day, starting with 0 points from his kicker (Dan Carpenter, Mia) and a 4-point evening from 2nd-string QB David Garrard (Jax). In fact, Shower Beer had only four players crack double-digits on the day, with the biggest two scores posted by Matt Schaub (15 pts, QB, Hou) and Danny Amendola (16 pts, WR, Stl).
Rage Bench: Miami D 6pts
Shower Beer Bench: None of note
Laser Sounds 184 – Shamrock Shake 98
With Shamrock Shake exactly meeting her projected point total, it was up to the Laser Sounds squad to meet or exceed expectations. And that they did, posting a massive 184-point week. With six players scoring 20+ points, including an impressive 38 points from Aaron Rodgers (QB, GB), it's no surprise that New Guy Josh's squad was able to survive a -1 point day from the St. Louis Defense. Big performers on the Laser side of the ledger included Matt Ryan (QB, Atl) with 24 points, Arian Foster (23 pts, RB, Hou), Fred Jackson (26 pts, RB, Buf) and Santonio “the Jets got me for a 5th round pick” Holmes (26 pts, NYJ). In fact, Laser Sound's day was so dominant that he got 22 points from the Cleveland Defense. Yes – Cleveland, OHIO. For Shamrock, meanwhile, the RBs stepped up while the quarterbacks let her down. Big games – though not Laser-big – were had by Peyton “Who Dat” Hillis (RB, Cle) and Knowshon Moreno (RB, Den), who had 19 and 17 pts, respectively. Balancing that out (and not in the god way, Eli Manning (QB, NYG) and Kyle Orton (QB, Den) both had only 5 points. Ouch. Luckily for Shamrock, it looks like she will rebound nicely this week with a strong showing against #1 Rage Blackout.
Laser Bench: A few Qbs b/c Laser sounds has too many; no others of note
Shamrock Bench: None of note
My Vick in a Box 153 – Gin in the Gatorade 82
Domination. Wood shedding. Beatdown. Any of these words can apply, as the defending champ continued crushing dreams and taking names as his team wrecked poor JenAdams2000's squad by a mere 71 points. With his team's namesake putting up only 16 pts, My Vick brought the pain thanks to an improbably 31-point game from Jon Kitna (QB, Dal) and 35 points from who-dat WR Greg Jennings (GB). Throw in a 20-point day from Michael Turner (RB, Atl) and 19 points from the Pit D, and the route was on, despite zeros from WR Anquan Boldin (Bal) and Reggie Bush (RB, NO). The beating was so severe that the 64 Bills-generated points that E. Matt Lamb left on his bench were scarcely missed. For Gin in the Adams, her lack of caring clearly set her back, as Tony Romo and his busted shoulder were in the starting line-up, while popular west coast heart-throb Phillip Rivers was on the bench. Even beyond that, Jen had a rough day, with the only real quality day posted by Maurice Jones-Drew (23 pts, RB, Jax). Only two other players for Adams were in double digits, with the meat of her squad generating only 28 points across eight players. Ouch.
My Vick Bench: Steve Johnson 33pts (WR, Buf) Ryan Fitzpatrick 31 (QB, Buf)
Gin in the Bencherade: Phillip Rivers 28 pts (QB, SD)
Jagerbombs 109 – He's Heating Up(.) 98
Your league Commissioner Miller was able to notch a rare win this week, as the Heating Up Eakin squad left the points on the board. Only seven of 11 starters for Eakin posted 10+ points, with only his QB duo really carrying their weight with an 18-point day (Tom Brady, QB, NE) and 19-point day (Matt Cassel, QB, KC), respectively. For Jager Bombs, a -1-point day from Troy Smith (QB, SF) and a big fat zero from Randy Moss (WR, Ten) were not enough to slow him down. Instead, big days from Drew Brees (34 pts, QB, NO) and his two defenses (20 pts TB & 23 pts Bal) were enough to power him to victory. Miller saviors this 'W,' as it pulls him out of the cellar, at least for one week. Next week, Miller will tackle his nemesis, My Vick in a Box – with both knowing it could get ugly.
Jager Bench: Darren Sproles 17pts (RB, SD); Marc Mariani (WR, Ten)
He's Benching Up(.): Santana Moss 18 pts (WR, Was)
T.O.'s Bacon 125 – Ger-er-Done 108
Cason was a bit of a hard luck loser this week, with his 108 points unable to crack through T.O.'s strong week. For Ted's Canadian Bacon, the biggest day was put up by Ben Roethlisberger (QB, Pit), whose 38 points were one of the biggest days by any player in week 12. Ted also got a 24-point performance from Dwaye Bowe (WR, KC) and 18 from the Chicago D. These combined were enough to overcome a 3-point day from Old Man Favre (QB, Min) and a coach-firing showing by the Minnesota D (2 pts). On the other side of the ledger, Cason was able to crack the century mark despite having no players break through the 20-point plateua. Instead, big games by Cason were put in by Thomas Jones (19 pts, RB, KC) and Matt Bryant (16 pts, K, Atl). Not enough points were generated by the Get-er-Done defenses, however, allowing Ted to win and improve his chances of making the play-offs.
T.O.'s Bench: Cedric Benson 20 pts (RB, Cin); Brandon Lloyd 13 pts (WR, Den)
Get-er-Done Bench: Nate Washington 13 pts (WR, Ten); Steve Breaston 12 pts (WR, Ari)
Righteous Tugboat 124 – Shananimals 104
In our final game of the weekend, Shannon's Shananimals got bested by Duck's Tuggers in part because of crushing one-point days by her starting QB Jay Cutler (Chi) and RB Ricky Williams (Mia). On the plus side, Matt Hasselback (QB, Sea) showed signs of life for Shan, scoring 24 points playing against NO. In addition, Ray Rice (RB, Bal) put up 18 points for the losers. For the Righteous victors, meanwhile, the Sanchize (Mark Sanchez, QB, NYJ) has a strong 28-point day and Reggie Wayne (WR, Ind) picked up another 18-points. Thanks in part to 20 points from Mike Wallace (WR, Pit) and 15 from Larry Fitzgerald (WR, Ari), Righteos was able to overcome a -1-point day from the Arizona D and 4 points from Tony Gonzalez (TE, Atl).
Tugboat Bench: Mike Tolbert 23 pts (RB, SD)
Shananima-bench: Cincinnati Def 7pts
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