End of the Regular Season

And so the end is upon us. The regular season for Legit Domination concludes this week, and six teams will be going home unhappy. So far, only a single play-off spot has been locked up, as half the league is mired at 8-4 or 7-5, and are fighting for the last five spots.

Here are where teams stand heading into the last week of competition, along with who they are playing:

1. Rage Blackout* (9-3)  vs. Gin in the Gatorade
2. Laser Sounds (8-4) vs. Jager Bombs
3. My Vick in a Box (8-4) vs. He's Heating Up.
4. He's Heating Up(.) (8-4) vs. My Vick in a Box
5. Shamrock Shake (7-5) vs. Get-er-Done
6. Get-er-done (7-5) vs. Shamrock Shake
7. T.O.' Bacon (7-5) vs. Shananimals
8. Shower Beet (5-7) vs. Righteous Tugboat
9. Righteous Tugboat (4-7-1) vs. Shower Beer
10. Gin in the Gatorade (3-8-1) vs. Rage Blackout
11. Shananimals (2-9-1) vs. T.O.'s Bacon
12. Jager Bombs (2-9-1) vs. Laser Sounds


And actually, even though Yahoo! claims that only Bongiolatti is assured of a play-off birth, by my count, all of the 8 win teams are in too, as Shamrock and Cason play a blood-duel of 7-5 teams, meaning one must lose (or both tie). Hmmm... Regardless, a fun last week of action as upon us, as those of use going down with the ship hope to take a few play-off hopefuls with us!

MNF -- we came, we saw... we played one-on-one cups

This past monday night, several members of Legit Domination rallied to the Commish's apartment to watch a little prime time football. In attendance were JenAdams (Gin in the Gatorade), Commish Miller (Jager Bombs), Jay Cason (Get-er-Done), the NGC Christine Smith (Shamrock Shake) and defending champ Matt Lamb (My Vick in a Box). Interestingly, this was the first time Lamb had been seen by any member of the division in the previous three months.

The night involved several rounds of Island Cups by the boys, while the girls drank at a more moderate pace, one perhaps more fitting for a Monday Night. The game itself was a bit of a beating, htough one that Cason enjoyed thoroughly, and Miller failed in his quest to upset Lamb (all he needed was a 50+ point night from SF QB Troy Smith). Good times were had and light mocking enjoyed by all. Erick Bond called in drunk to a monday night drinking event, which was weird, and Ms. Bongiolatti turned into Bad Ice Cream by simply not showing up, but overall everyone had a great time. As we head toward the playoffs and the end of a second successful season of Legit Domination, we will try at least one more to get all the members of the division together in one place for a night of revelry, drinking, cursing whoever wins the regular season crown, and pointedly asking New Guy Josh what sounds lasers do actually make.

Week 11 Wrap-up

Note: Sorry this is a week late. I hate it when life gets in the way. Look for up-to-date posts today (Friday) and tomorrow. 

If there's one thing that your dear commish regrets this season, it's not that his team is mired in a tie for last place. It's not that the division is being led by Courtney's team, a team that has a dog nawwing on a football for its mascot. It's not even that I got doubled up by his girlfriend's team in Week 9, by a score of 119 – 61. No, the biggest regret this commissioner has is that I woke up the sleeping giant that was defending champion Matt Lamb. Not content to let sleeping dogs lie, I repeatedly called the champ out in the early weeks of the season, which looked like a good plan when Mr. Lamb was a mere 1-4. Since then, however, the beast of Grammercy has roared back with a vengence, winning six games in a row against all comers, and now sits in third place. Clearly, this resurgence on the back of Mike Vick is not what I intended when I suggested that My Vick in a Box actually should pick up Mike Vick. To add insult to injury, Mr. Lamb has been riding Buffalo Bills offensive leaders Ryan Fitzpatrick and Stevie Johnson to his current second place position. As the playoffs approach, My Vick is looking to add his name to the list of teams getting a first round bye. Currently, only one team is IN for the play-offs – Rage Blackout at 9-2 – with a log jam at second place for those with a 7-4 record. How will it shake out and who will be left watching the playoffs from the outside (aside from Shannon and me)? Only time (and the final two weeks of the season) will tell.

1. Rage Blackout (9-2)

2. Laser Sounds (7-4)

3. My Vick in a Box (7-4)

4. He's Heating Up. (7-4)

5. Shamrock Shake (6-5)

6. Get-er-Done (6-5)

7. T.O.'s Bacon (6-5)

8. Shower Beer (5-6)

9. Righteous Tugboat (4-6-1)

10. Gin in the Gatorade (3-7-1)

11. Jagerbombs (2-8-1)

12. Shananimals (2-8-1)

Rage Blackout 120 – Shower Beer 88

Shower Beer's late season play-off push was interrupted this week by the number one team, as Bongiolatti laid the hurt on poor Mr. Bond thanks in large part to a 30-point weekend from Peyton Manning (QB, Ind). Two other players raked in 20+ points for Good Icecream, with Marques Colston (WR, NO) scoring 25 and LeSeason McCoy (RB, Phi) bringing in 21 points. All told, it was enough for Court to survive 0-point days from Ahmad Bradshaw (RB, NYG) and the Oakland Def. The reason those goose-eggs didn't hurt the division leader, of course, was that Bond's squad had a rough day, starting with 0 points from his kicker (Dan Carpenter, Mia) and a 4-point evening from 2^nd-string QB David Garrard (Jax). In fact, Shower Beer had only four players crack double-digits on the day, with the biggest two scores posted by Matt Schaub (15 pts, QB, Hou) and Danny Amendola (16 pts, WR, Stl).

Rage Bench: Miami D 6pts

Shower Beer Bench: None of note

Laser Sounds 184 – Shamrock Shake 98

With Shamrock Shake exactly meeting her projected point total, it was up to the Laser Sounds squad to meet or exceed expectations. And that they did, posting a massive 184-point week. With six players scoring 20+ points, including an impressive 38 points from Aaron Rodgers (QB, GB), it's no surprise that New Guy Josh's squad was able to survive a -1 point day from the St. Louis Defense. Big performers on the Laser side of the ledger included Matt Ryan (QB, Atl) with 24 points, Arian Foster (23 pts, RB, Hou), Fred Jackson (26 pts, RB, Buf) and Santonio “the Jets got me for a 5^th round pick” Holmes (26 pts, NYJ). In fact, Laser Sound's day was so dominant that he got 22 points from the Cleveland Defense. Yes – Cleveland, OHIO. For Shamrock, meanwhile, the RBs stepped up while the quarterbacks let her down. Big games – though not Laser-big – were had by Peyton “Who Dat” Hillis (RB, Cle) and Knowshon Moreno (RB, Den), who had 19 and 17 pts, respectively. Balancing that out (and not in the god way, Eli Manning (QB, NYG) and Kyle Orton (QB, Den) both had only 5 points. Ouch. Luckily for Shamrock, it looks like she will rebound nicely this week with a strong showing against #1 Rage Blackout.

Laser Bench: A few Qbs b/c Laser sounds has too many; no others of note

Shamrock Bench: None of note

My Vick in a Box 153 – Gin in the Gatorade 82

Domination. Wood shedding. Beatdown. Any of these words can apply, as the defending champ continued crushing dreams and taking names as his team wrecked poor JenAdams2000's squad by a mere 71 points. With his team's namesake putting up only 16 pts, My Vick brought the pain thanks to an improbably 31-point game from Jon Kitna (QB, Dal) and 35 points from who-dat WR Greg Jennings (GB). Throw in a 20-point day from Michael Turner (RB, Atl) and 19 points from the Pit D, and the route was on, despite zeros from WR Anquan Boldin (Bal) and Reggie Bush (RB, NO). The beating was so severe that the 64 Bills-generated points that E. Matt Lamb left on his bench were scarcely missed. For Gin in the Adams, her lack of caring clearly set her back, as Tony Romo and his busted shoulder were in the starting line-up, while popular west coast heart-throb Phillip Rivers was on the bench. Even beyond that, Jen had a rough day, with the only real quality day posted by Maurice Jones-Drew (23 pts, RB, Jax). Only two other players for Adams were in double digits, with the meat of her squad generating only 28 points across eight players. Ouch.

My Vick Bench: Steve Johnson 33pts (WR, Buf) Ryan Fitzpatrick 31 (QB, Buf)

Gin in the Bencherade: Phillip Rivers 28 pts (QB, SD)

Jagerbombs 109 – He's Heating Up(.) 98

Your league Commissioner Miller was able to notch a rare win this week, as the Heating Up Eakin squad left the points on the board. Only seven of 11 starters for Eakin posted 10+ points, with only his QB duo really carrying their weight with an 18-point day (Tom Brady, QB, NE) and 19-point day (Matt Cassel, QB, KC), respectively. For Jager Bombs, a -1-point day from Troy Smith (QB, SF) and a big fat zero from Randy Moss (WR, Ten) were not enough to slow him down. Instead, big days from Drew Brees (34 pts, QB, NO) and his two defenses (20 pts TB & 23 pts Bal) were enough to power him to victory. Miller saviors this 'W,' as it pulls him out of the cellar, at least for one week. Next week, Miller will tackle his nemesis, My Vick in a Box – with both knowing it could get ugly.

Jager Bench: Darren Sproles 17pts (RB, SD); Marc Mariani (WR, Ten)

He's Benching Up(.): Santana Moss 18 pts (WR, Was)

T.O.'s Bacon 125 – Ger-er-Done 108

Cason was a bit of a hard luck loser this week, with his 108 points unable to crack through T.O.'s strong week. For Ted's Canadian Bacon, the biggest day was put up by Ben Roethlisberger (QB, Pit), whose 38 points were one of the biggest days by any player in week 12. Ted also got a 24-point performance from Dwaye Bowe (WR, KC) and 18 from the Chicago D. These combined were enough to overcome a 3-point day from Old Man Favre (QB, Min) and a coach-firing showing by the Minnesota D (2 pts). On the other side of the ledger, Cason was able to crack the century mark despite having no players break through the 20-point plateua. Instead, big games by Cason were put in by Thomas Jones (19 pts, RB, KC) and Matt Bryant (16 pts, K, Atl). Not enough points were generated by the Get-er-Done defenses, however, allowing Ted to win and improve his chances of making the play-offs.

T.O.'s Bench: Cedric Benson 20 pts (RB, Cin); Brandon Lloyd 13 pts (WR, Den)

Get-er-Done Bench: Nate Washington 13 pts (WR, Ten); Steve Breaston 12 pts (WR, Ari)

Righteous Tugboat 124 – Shananimals 104

In our final game of the weekend, Shannon's Shananimals got bested by Duck's Tuggers in part because of crushing one-point days by her starting QB Jay Cutler (Chi) and RB Ricky Williams (Mia). On the plus side, Matt Hasselback (QB, Sea) showed signs of life for Shan, scoring 24 points playing against NO. In addition, Ray Rice (RB, Bal) put up 18 points for the losers. For the Righteous victors, meanwhile, the Sanchize (Mark Sanchez, QB, NYJ) has a strong 28-point day and Reggie Wayne (WR, Ind) picked up another 18-points. Thanks in part to 20 points from Mike Wallace (WR, Pit) and 15 from Larry Fitzgerald (WR, Ari), Righteos was able to overcome a -1-point day from the Arizona D and 4 points from Tony Gonzalez (TE, Atl).

Tugboat Bench: Mike Tolbert 23 pts (RB, SD)

Shananima-bench: Cincinnati Def 7pts

Week 9 MNF -- Time to make a Legit Scene?

Friends. There's a motion on the floor to hold a Mid-Season Legit Domination Party either next week or the week after for Monday Night Football (the 8th or the 15th).

I think this is a great idea. We can either gather at my apartment or go a few blocks from my apartment and dominate the Pine Tree Lodge... or we can do something completely different, like go ransack the 14th Step in the East Village.

So what say ye? Shall we have a gather? Drop the Commish a line and let me know...

Week 8 Recap

Hello Legit Domination Fans!

Another week is in the books, and Doug the Commish is still languishing in last place. By himself. Despite putting up almost 120 points in Week 8 -- enough to beat 9 of the 11 other players in LD Football -- Miller ran into a suddenly potent Shower Beer, and took the loss. Hilarity did not ensue (for Miller). In other match-ups, Rage Blackout barely avoids a second straight loss, while Shananimals takes a beating from Laser Sounds. As has been the theme throughout this season, Rage stands alone at the top of the division, with most teams muddled in the middle with Bongiolatti now two games clear of the pelaton, she's the clear driver at this point.

The full standings after 8 week are as follows:

1. Rage Blackout         7-1
2. Shamrock Shake      5-3
3. Laser Sounds           5-3
4. Get-er-Done             5-3
5. He's Heating Up.     5-3
6. My Vick in a Box     4-4
7. T.O.'s Bacon             4-4
8. Shower Beer              4-4
9. Gin in the Gatorade   2-5-1
10. Shananimals              2-5-1
11. Righteous Tugboat    2-5-1
12. Jager bombs             1-6-1

The games:


Rage Blackout  104 -- Righteous Tugboat  86

Righteous Tugboat looked to be in a good position to pick up the win, until league sources revealed that the last player to play for Rage Blackout was going to be Peyton Manning (QB, IND) on Monday Night. Peyton did not disappoint, starting with a TD throw in the first quarter and never looking back. In addition, Bongiolatti's squad got big contributions from LaRod Stephens-Howling (19 pts, RB, TB) and RB Rashard Mendenhall (13 pts, Pit), and Marques Colston. For Devaney's Tugboat team, a 19-point performance from Larry Fitzgerald (WR, Ari) led the way, along with 14 points from the Arizona Defense, and another 14 from Mike Tolbert (RB, SD). In the end, the Tugboat was undone thanks to a BYE week for Tony Gonzalez (TE) and a total of only 4 points from the QB slot (Chad Henne, Miami and Trent Edwards, Jax).


Rage bench: Raiders Def (17 points)
Righteous bench: Marion Barber (7 pts, RB, Dal)

Shamrock Shake 97 -- Gin in the Gatorade 91

An 18-point day for Terrell Owens (WR, Cin) was the NGC's big performance of the day, and the Colts Defense on Monday sealed the deal by scoring more than 10 points. In total, Shamrock had six players in double digits, though none eclipsing 20 points, and the even contributions from players as diverse as Mason Crosby (13 pts, K, GB) and Beanie Wells (12 pts, RB, Ari) helped the NGC get the job done. Oh, and a decent performance from her main squeeze Kyle Orton (14 pts, QB, Den) across the Pond didn't hurt either. For the hapless Gin in the Hey-Now, her team's performance was adversely effected by her trip out of the country, and more importantly, by her failure to set her fantasy team prior to leaving. (Doh!) Despite the oversight of leaving three players in her starting lineup that were on the BYE, the JenAdams 2000 still almost pulled out the upset victory on the strength of 22 points from Phillips Rivers (QB, SD) and 26 from the Law Firm of BenJarvus Green-Ellis (RB, NE). Of course, Jen didn't really leave anyone useful on the bench, and would have needed to make some aggressive Drop/Adds to vastly upgrade her team.

Shamrock Bench: None of Note
Gin in the Gatorade Bench: None of Note


Laser Sounds 127 -- Shananimals 92

With Aaron Rodgers (QB, GB) putting up only 4 points for Laser Sounds, New Guy Josh was going to need to get some big scores from unorthodox places in order to keep moving up the rankings. Lucky for him, his team came through. Led by 30 points from Calvin John (WR, Det) and another 24 chipped in by all-world RB Arian Foster (Hou), Josh rolled to an easier-than0expected victory. A huge day from the St. Louis Defense (15 points) and the mercurial Sebastian Janikowski (K, Oak) didn't hurt either, as they allowed the Sounds to roll past Shannon, despite having once defense (Cle) on a BYE and getting only six combined points from Aaron Hernandez (TE, NE) and Felix Jones (RB, Dal). On the short end of the final score, Shananimals season-long woes continued, starting with a -6 point day from Matt Hassleback (QB, Sea). It's never a good day when one QB puts up less than a goose egg. Her other QB, Matt Stafford (Det), tried to pick up the slack to the tune of 29 points, but it was not enough. In the end, Shananimals had seven plays record in the single digits or less, a sure recipe for disaster. While a nice day was turned in be Marcedes Lewis (TE, Jax), most everyone else on the Shananimals side of the ball put in a sub-par performance.

Laser Bench: Sam Bradford (17 pts, QB, StL)
Shananimals Bench: None of Note


He's Heating Up(.) 100 -- Get-er-Done 81

The battle of the gold helmets (seriously, these two teams have the same helmet icons for league play) came down to one player -- Jamaal Charles (RB, KC), who put up 25 pts on the ground against the Buffalo Bills. (Ouch!) That player made the difference for Patch Eakin's difficult to predict team. Aside from the man with 1/4 of his points, He's Heating Up(.) received 15-point days from Tom Brady (QB, NE) and Percy Harvin (WR, Min), while also posting zeros from Clinton PortisCason-er-Done side, his run towards to top of the division was undone by the BYE week, with Joe Flacco (QB, Bal), David Akers (K, Phi) and the Atlanta Def all having no chance to post points this week due to not playing anyone (and yet being in the starting line-up). Among those players that did start, Get-er-Done received nice days from Adrian Peterson (20 pts, RB, Min), Nate Washington (19 pts, WR, Ten), and Carson Palmer (15 pts, QB, Cin). In addition to the players on the BYE, netting only 2 pts from Wes Welker (WR, NE) really hurt Cason's chances this week.

He's Heating Bench: Jason Campbell (25pts, QB, Oak)
Get-er-Done Bench: Steve Breaston (17pts, WR, Ari), Darren McFadden (15 pts, RB, Oak)


Shower Beer 126 -- Jager Bombs 117

"Dolphins are just gay sharks." So says the current team motto for Shower Beer, whose team survived and initial scare from their final player of the week -- Matt Schaub (5 pts, QB, Hou) -- to hold on to bear the hapless bombs. The main driver's of Erick Bond's success this week were David Garrard (QB, Jax), whose 35 pts more than quadrupled his projected points, and Dan Carpenter (21 pts, K, Mia) who knocked in five field goals for the second straight week in a row. These plus a 20-point game from Who-Dat Brandon Tate (WR, NE) enabled the Showering Beerskis to survive single-point days from each of his defences (Sea and Dal). On the Jager side, where a broken spirit may have set in this week, big days were had from the QB position, where Drew Brees (NO) racked up 19 points and Vince Young (Ten) scored 22. Unfortunately, these big days were off-set by big frigging goose eggs from Randy Moss (WR, No Team) and Marshawn Lynch (RB, Sea). A two-point day from Mike Nugent (K, Cin) and a single, lonely point from the Houston D rounded out Miller's week, though 38 combined points from his SD combo of Darren Sproles (RB) and Antonio Gates (TE) helped keep this game close until the very end.

Jager Bench: Adam Vinetari (14 pts, K, Ind)
Shower Bench: Packers Defense (18 pts)

My Vick in a Box  93 -- T.O.'s Bacon 62

The Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hide act for Ted's aggressive Canadian Bacon squad continued this week, as only Andre Johnson (18 pts, WR, Hou) and Frank Gore (19 pts, RB, SF) seemed to have actually come to play. T.O.'s two QBs tallied a total of six points, with Old Man Favre scoring all six [and a zero put up by Roethlisberger (Pit)], while the K Nick Folk managed to miss a few field goals and post a -2. Not wanting to be outdone, the Minnesota and Denver defenses combined for an impressive (ish) -1 points for T.O.'s Bacon. In light of these scores, all the defending champ's squad had to do was not mess up too badly, and a win would be in the bank. Luckily for Matt Lamb, that's exactly what happened. No single player on My Vick's side of the ledger put up negative points, and while none scored more than 17 points either (Detroit D), it was more than enough to score the easy win. In addition to big points from the Detroit Defense, MViaB saw double-digit point totals from Ryan Fitzpatrick (11 pts, QB, Buf), Michael Bush (16 pts, RB, Oak) and Ryan Matthews (11 pts, RB, SD). Everyone else on the team did just enough to lock down the win and help My Vick square his record at 4-4.

MViaB Bench: None of note
T.O.'s Bench: Brandon Lloyd (24pts, WR, Denver), Jason Witten (15pts, TE, DAL)

Week 6 Wrap-up

It is a dark day in Fantasy football, as the Commish of Legit Domination is mired in last place. Needing his two remaining players -- including one Tennessee Titans QB -- to but outscore a lowly kicker last week, his team could not salvage a victory, instead ending up with a tie. Now poor Miller is stuck sharing the “I’m not very good at fantasy football” title with Jen Adams. And she may well be a fantasy corpse by now, seeing as see lost to Ted the weekend after his wedding, when you know his head wasn’t really in the game.

Regardless, we soldier on. And it’s a good thing we do, because currently leading Legit Domination – and two games clear of the field to boot – in none other than Courtney Bongiolatti. He reign of terror continues, emasculating all the males she comes across, as she and he cute “dog eats football” icon keep knocking off pretenders to the thrown. How long can her run continue? Right now, this writer knows better than to bet against her.

As for the rest of the field, here’s how things stack up heading into Week 7 of play:

(1) Rage Blackout – 6-0

(2) Get-er-done – 4-2

(3) He’s Heating Up. – 4-2

(4) Shamrock Shake – 3-3

(5) Laser Sounds – 3-3

(6) T.O.’s Bacon – 3-3

(7) Shower Beer – 3-3

(8) Shananimals – 2-3-1

(9) Righteous Tugboat – 2-3-1

(10) My Vick in a Box – 2-4

(11) Gin in the Gatorade – 1-4-1

(12) Jager Bombs – 1-4-1

Now that we know where people stand, let’s see how that all played last week…

Rage Blackout 95 – He’s Heating Up. 77

Despite fears to the contrary, it looks like Patch Eakin has not yet thrown in the towel on the season. Which is good, b/c his squad is tied for second place! That didn't help him very much this week, though, as 25 points from Matt Cassel (QB, KC) and another 11 from each of his two running backs -- Jamaal Charles (KC) and Matt Forte (Chi) -- were not enough over come the mighty attack of Rage Blackout. This is probably because of the donuts (i.e., zero-point days) put up by the Carolina D (not their fault -- they were on a bye), Willis McGahee (RB, Bal) and Josh "Knocked Out" Cribbs (WR, Cle). Couple those three non-contributing zeros with Courtney's 24 from Peyton Manning (QB, Ind) and 16 from Ahmad Bradshaw (RB, NYG) and this one was in the books early. The key to Rage's success this year has in many ways been simply Manning+Consistency= WIN, a trend that continued this week as 7 of her "non-Peyton" boys knocked down at least 5 points. 

Rage Bench: Roy Williams 14 (WR, Dal)

He’s On the Bench: Percy Harvin 17 (WR, Min); Hines Ward 11 (WR, Pit)

Laser Sounds 123 – Get-er-Done 98

What sounds do lasers make? The sound of victory, of course. New Guy Josh put up the biggest scoring day of the week to storm back to relevance in the LD competition, thanks to six double-digit performances by his squad. Leading the way was a 21-point explosion from Arian Foster (RB, Hou) along with 18 points from Pierre Garcon (WR) and 14 from Johnny Knox (Chi), two WRs that had previously been in the witness protection program. Add in 13 from Matt Ryan (QB, Atl) and 19 from Aaron Rodgers (QB, GB) and Laser Sounds didn't need to worry about the 22 big ones he left on the bench. For Cason's Get-er-Done squad, it was a mixed week. The SF 49ers got their first win, but the G-e-D captain left Carson Palmer (Cin) in a starting slot despite having a BYE week, and the team's bottom four slots (W/R, K, D & D) combined for only 14 points. Despite that, Joe Flacco (QB, Bal) put up 20 points, and another 19 points from Thomas Jones (RB, KC) helped make this day competitive. And now that you've read that, go see who (and how many points) Cason had bolted to the pine this week. Ouch.

LS Bench: Calvin Johnson 22 (WR, Det)

Get-er-Done Bench: TEN D 22; Justin Forsett 12 (RB, Sea)

Shower Beer 112 – Shamrock Shake 98

Her early season 3-1 start now firmly a thing of the past, the NGC fought hard but failed against Bond's suddenly competent team. No one in the Shamrock's line-up went scoreless, and decent days were put up by Eli Manning (17, QB, NYG) and Kyle Orton (15 pts, QB, Den), but it was not enough on a day when she had no players crack the 20-point plateau. On the other side, Shower Beer's turn around from his slow start can probably be attributed to the rise of his QBs -- Matt Schaub (Hou) and Kevin Kolb (Phi) -- who scored 25 and 29 points, respectively. Throw in another 24 points from unknown ball handler Ryan Torain (Was), and Erick was easily able to survive a combined 7 total point from Leon Washington (RB, Sea), Greg Olsen (TE, Chi), Brandon Tate (WR, NE) and the Green Bay D.

Shower Beer Bench: Dez Bryant 9 (WR, Dal)

Shamrock Shake Bench: Brandon Marshall 14 (WR, Mia)

T.O.’s Bacon 108 – Gin in the Gatorade 97

Hold onto your butts -- Ted's team has a pulse. Yes, with the wedding in Chicago now behind him, T.O.'s Bacon has turned over a new leaf of awesomeness. Ted rang up the win against the JenAdams2000 thanks to 24 points from the newly re-instated Ben Rothlisburger (QB, Pit), along with 21 points from Andre Johnson (WR, Hou) and a combined 34 more points from his backfield combo of Frank Gore (SF) and LaDanian "I'm Not Dead Yet" Tomlinson (NYJ). These big points were enough for Ted to overcome 0-fers from the Chicago D AND from Hakeem Nicks (WR, NYG). [This was a good thing too, since Ted left Mr. Bowe of New England West and his 24 WR points on the bench.] For Gin, meanwhile, it's a story that's sad, but true: getting only four points from Phillip Rivers will fuck you pretty much every time. The Gin-a-tron did receive nice days from DeSean Jackson (19 pts, WR, Phi) and Matt Prater (13 pts, K, Den), but it was not enough to score the W. If Jen is looking for positives, the fact that everyone in her starting lineup scored at least 4 points is not a bad place to start.

T.O.’s Bench: Dwayne Bowe 24 (KC, WR)

Gin Bench: Jay Cutler 6 (QB, Chi)

My Vick in a Box 102 – Righteous Tugboat 95

This game was a seesaw battle, with big scores negated by ugly ones and Defenses eventually deciding the day. In the QB slot, Righteous got 17 from Chad Henne (Mia) while only 3 from the Sanchize (NYJ). Vick in a Box then challenged that with 17 pts of his own from Alex Smith (SF) and a -3 from David Garrard (Jax). The Tug then pulled great scores from Mike Wallace (15, WR, Pit) and Chris Johnson (21, RB, Ten), to offset the -2 from his two defenses. For eventual-winner non-Asian Matt Lamb, the big days came from Pittsburgh's D -- a 16-point haul -- and from Greg Jennings (WR, GB), whose 21 points helped make our dentist friend look like a genius. Oh, and 23 combined points from the WR duo of Anquan Boldin (Bal) and Austin Collie (Ind) certainly didn't hurt his cause either.

MViaB Bench: Jeremy Maclin 29 (WR, Phil)

Roghteosu Bench: None of note

Shananimals 94 – Jager Bombs 94

Last and probably least, the Shananimals and Jager Bombs squared off. That neither team broke 100 is a matter of record. That both teams probably frustrated the hell out of their owners is almost a certainty. Miller's squad seemed to have the early advantage, thanks to a 24-point day from Drew Brees (QB, N) and 18-points from Stephen Jackson (RB, Stl). The excitement was short-lived, however, as goose-egg from the Houston D, a 1-point performance by Antonio Gates (TE, SD), and an injury to Vince Young helped derail Jager's day, despite a 10-point day from new pick-up Marshawn Lynch (RB, Sea). Shananimals 94 points came from a variety of areas, with 22 points from Tony Romo (QB, Dal) leading the way. Her other QB, Matt Hasselbeck (Sea), scored 15 points of his own in a game versus Chicago, while ray Rice (RB, Bal) and the SF Defense each landed in double-digits. Oh, and she got 12 points from Tennessee K Rob Bironas in the Monday Night match-up, allowing her to tie Miller and make sure she did not join Jen Adams in the cellar. 

Jager Bench: Joseph Addai 18 (RB, IND)

Shananimals Bench: All on BYEs

Legit Domination Week 3 Recap

Rage Blackout 128 (3-0) – Jagerbombs (1-2) 105

Courtney stays on top heading into Week 4 by bringing the heat against the suddenly 1-2 Commissioner Miller. Her line-up was headlined by Peyton Manning's 34 points (which out shone the 25 the Jagerbombs got from Drew Brees). In addition, she got a big 22 points from Rashard Mendenhall (RB, Pit) and 15 from Ahmad Brabshaw (WR, NYG). For Miller, a lack of production from his defenses hurt him, though he put up a respectable 100+ total points with the help of Antonio Gates (18 pts, TE, SD) and Stephen Jackson (11 pts, RB, Stl).

Rage Blackout Bench: Ryan Fitzpatrick 13 (QB, Buf); Oakland D 8

Bombs Bench: Randy Moss 16 (WR, NE)

He’s Heating Up. 105 (3-0) – T.O.’s Bacon 84 (1-2)

Forget Heating Up, Patch’s squad is straight bringing it at he advances to 3-0. Then again, Ted’s team did follow up its nice week 2 performance with a sweet 84 points, so maybe this win is not all attributable to Eakin’s new-found ability to wake up before noon to adjust his roster. Regardless, He’s Heating Up(.) got almost half of its scoring from the QB position, with Tom Brady and his dream hockey locks putting up 27 and Matt Cassel (KC) – Brady’s old back-up – somehow netting 24 points. Of course, the rest of Patch’s squad did little to help him out, as the only other player in double digits was Jamal Charles (14 pts, RB, KC). Note: It’s always dubious when two of your three high scorers play for KC, but it worked on this day.  On the losing side, Ted got 4 points from Brett Favre and none from the recently-benched Matt Moore (QB, Car). In their stead, T.O.’s running back carried the load, with Frank Gore (SF) putting up 16 points and Cedric Benson (Cin) pitching in 20. It wasn’t enough for Ted on this day, though, as he only would have beaten two teams in this week’s games.

HHU Bench : Percy Harvin 15 (WR, Min); Santana Moss 18 (WR, Was)

TO Bench: Dwayen Bowe 12 (WR, KC); LaDanian Tomlinson 14 (RB, NYJ)

Shamrock Shake 127 (2-1)– Righteous Tugboat 120 (1-2)

Our rookie NGC continued to impress this week, as her love-hate relationship with Kyle Orton (QB, Den) made good for two dozen points, while Branden Marshal (WR, Mia) and no-name Peyton Hillis (RB, Cle) put up 24 and 25 pts, respectively. She also got 9 pts from each of her two defenses, a decent hall. As for Mr. Devaney, his Tugboat pulled into port at six score points thanks to 23 and 28 from his QBs – Chad Henne (Mia) and Mark Sanchez (NYJ) – and another 26 from Chris Johnson (RB, Ten). His total was close, though not enough to get him over the hump, as his TE and K positions combined for a solitary point.

Shamrock Bench: Kenny Brit 8 (WR, Ten)

Righteous Bench: Mike Wallace 24 (WR, Pit); Tony Gonzalez 19 (TE, Atl); two others in double digits

Get-er-Done 115 (2-1) – Gin in the Gatorade 109 (1-2)

While it looked briefly like Gin was gonna ride the Phillip Rivers Express to victory (23 pts, QB, SD), it was not to be. For while Jen’s squad had two player aside from Rivers score over 20 pts – DeSean Jackson (23 pts, WR, Phi) and Dustin Keller (21 pts, TE, NYJ) – she also had seven players put up less than 10 pts. J Cason’s Get-er-Done team got it done thanks to 28 points from Joe Flacco (QB, Bal) and 33 points from All Day Adrian Peterson (RB, Min). [Note: PAY MY CLIENT!] Little more was needed from Cason’s squad, which was good, b/c the only two other players of note fro his squad were Darren McFaddon (22 pts, RB, Oak) and the Tennessee D (14 pts).

GED Bench: Thomas Jones 15 (RB, KC); Devin Hester 11 (WR, Chi); Steve Beaston 10 (WR, Ari)

Gin Bench: None of note

My Vick in a Box 161 (1-2) – Laser Sounds 114 (1-2)

It turns out all the defending champion needed to get his squad cleaned up and in gear was for his manhood to be insulted. Instead of rolling over, Lamb’s My Vick in a Box squad dropped a train on New Guy Josh to the tune of 161 points – despite leaving 31 points on the bench from Austin Collie (WR, Ind). For Laser sounds, this is a bitter loss. MViaB was powered by 35 points from the namesake himself, please 34 from the suddenly rejuvenated Anquan Boldin (WR, Bal) and 20 points each from the tandem of Michael Turner (RD, Atl) and Jeremy (who?) Madin (WR, Phi). The camp even survived a goose egg from the Denver D thanks to 18 points from their partners in Pittsburg. Overall, just a commanding performance. For Laser Sounds, a combined 46 points from QBs Aaron Rodger (GB) and Matt Ryan (Atl), just wasn’t enough.

MViaB Bench: Austin Collie 31 (WR, Ind)

LS Bench: Dexter McCluster 14 (WR/RB, KC)

Shananimals 83 (1-2) – Shower Beer 80 (1-2)

As D1 would say, this match turned out to be the Stupor Bowl, as the two lowest point-totals in the entire league this past week were both in this game. And both managers attempted to give the game away by benching double-digit point scorers. For Bond’s Shower Beer, the two highest performers, at 15 and 12 pts, were the Seattle D and his TE Greg Olsen (Chi). Ouch. Shannon comes away with the win thanks to a more traditional 23 points from QB Tony Romo (Dal), though her second highest scorer was the Philadelphia D, whith a 16 point day. The Shananimals held on to win despite the two WR slots, one RB and the San Fran D combining for 7 points.

Shananimals Bench: C.J. Spiller 26 (RB, Buf); Malcom Floyd 15 (WR, SD)

Shower Bench: Dallas D 14